Allowing Teenage Boys to Love Their Friends

This piece of writing examines the unaddressed issues in our society involving the importance of intimate male friendships. Hoffman states that as boys age, they become less open about the value of having close male friends. In contrast, most women possess pride in their relationships and codependency is seen as more respectable. Hoffman expresses, “Despite stereotypes of teenage boys as grunting, emotionally tone-deaf creatures who bond over sports talk and risk-taking, their need for intimate friendship is as potent as it is for girls”. How is it that two genders of the same species have such psychological and physiological expectations? The answer to that is linked directly to stereotypes regarding the contrast of male and female roles.

Men are expected to be independent and be fiercely protective of their right to self-determinate themselves and their lifestyles. This stereotype-driven expectation is asserted into boys at a young age because the concept of status plays a huge part in the psychological effect on confidence. Therefore, when boys are seen as codependent, it lowers their status and confidence. In both friendship and romantic situations, men feel an obligation to have more control and superiority in the relationship to achieve the stereotypical image of masculinity. However, regardless of an individual’s culture, age or gender, they must obtain relationships with people that they can rely on in order to survive. Maslow’s “Theory of Human Motivation” states that after physiological and safety needs are fulfilled, an individual must acquire the security of social belonging before they can achieve a stable self esteem and reach self-actualization and full potential.

The article emphasizes the value of friendships for young boys. Interpersonal skills are especially important to possess at a young age because it teaches them how to create and maintain relationships with people. In some circumstances, this need can override the need for safety as witnessed in those who cling to abusive parents/friends/partners. Hoffman writes, ”Boys in early adolescence would speak candidly about those friendships to Dr. Way and her researchers, acknowledging the importance of having a best friend...But as the boys grew older, the intensity of those relationships faded. Boys feared being seen as “too girly” or even gay for expressing attachments to one another, even just for feeling them. ” Revealing the detrimental effect that society and stereotypes has had on boys entering manhood.

In my opinion, our society is slowly weaning off of this assertive influence of masculinity because of the recent rise in female independence in many cultures. Economic empowerment in women increases their status and stability in relationships. More kinds of education are accessible to them. That means that they can be economically independent in the world in a way that they could not in earlier generations. Consequently, the bar for expectation of male status has been lowered at a universal level. We are no longer living in a world where we hunt for survival and our only purpose of existence is to reproduce. The traditional roles of men and women have expired. Our obligations and responsibilities no longer contrast as harshly as they have in earlier generations and are no longer defined by our anatomy. We are perched upon the cusp of major change for gender roles in society.

In conclusion, it is safe to say that stereotype expectations has a heavy influence in how men engage in relationships. Power struggles are often seen in boys friend groups and everything is transformed into a competition to establish ranking. What is often forgotten, is that like any other social animal, the desire to authorize ranking is always present. With that being said, like humans, all members of a colony, pride or herd rely heavily on one another to survive and succeed through family, intimacy and friendship. Humans need to love and to be loved by others in order to love themselves.